Every fiber of a woman's being cries out for connection, for relationship. This distinctively feminine orientation has been poo-pooh'd in recent decades, claiming it makes a woman weak and dependent. The solution has been to downgrade her need for relationships and upgrade her ability to accomplish and achieve. However, there's an undeniable aspect of a woman that can't be swept under the carpet or deleted from her life - her body...

The structure of a woman's body is made for union, for connection. The act of intercourse happens within a woman's body as does the union of egg and sperm. The rapidly forming embryo unites itself to the lining of the womb and remains connected through the umbilical cord. In breastfeeding, the woman and her child are connected heart to heart and flesh to flesh for love and nourishment.

There is no shame in being a woman. Only women can receive new life into the empty space within. Only women can make a gift of self so that others can receive the gift of their very lives. A woman's body "speaks" the language of receptivity and relationship.

In his apostolic letter, On The Dignity and Vocation of Women, Pope John Paul II describes this feminine gift of self:  "Motherhood implies from the beginning [from creation] a special openness to the new person....In this openness...the woman ‘discovers herself through a sincere gift of self.'" A few lines later he adds: "Motherhood is linked to the personal structure of the woman and to the personal dimension of the gift." (No. 18)

Pope John Paul II insists that a woman finds her meaning and purpose in life through motherhood, through making a feminine, and not gender-neutral, gift of self. Otherwise, gender would be useless. It would merely be a social construction imposed on us by culture, and true liberation would consist in getting rid of it.

But true liberation never consists in getting rid of the body. True freedom and fulfillment find their fullest expression through the body.

This places us in a conundrum: If a woman can only discover herself through a sincere gift of self, and that gift of self is expressed through motherhood, what about women who are not mothers? Are they condemned to a life on the periphery, a kind of carrot-on-the-end-of-a-stick existence where they can see the meaning and purpose of their lives but never quite reach it?

Never! That would be bad news, in fact, the worst possible news. Jesus came to give life, not misery, and that life for all women comes through spiritual motherhood.

While Pope John Paul II never defines spiritual motherhood, I like to describe it this way: Spiritual motherhood is nurturing the emotional, moral, cultural, and spiritual lives of others. This means women can be spiritual mothers anywhere: At the grocery store, in the office, working in the fields, even flat in bed. When a woman makes a meal for a friend, gives someone a spiritual book, prays the rosary, provides a listening ear, or monitors what her children watch on TV, she's nurturing the emotional, moral, cultural, and spiritual lives of others.

Here's how a friend of mine, Patty, describes her life as a spiritual mother: "I'm not a mom, but that's okay because I have a lot of other titles: aunt, friend, godmother, guidance counselor, sister, and cousin. I try to be another hand of God on earth, to be there when people need me and to be generous with my time and love."

The Catholic Church has always encouraged spiritual motherhood, only under a different title - the corporal and spiritual works of mercy. Giving food to the hungry, drink to the thirsty, etc., emphasize caring for a person's tangible needs while counseling the doubtful, instructing the ignorant, comforting the sorrowful, etc., nurture others in less tangible, but still critical ways.

When looking for the consummate model of femininity and motherhood, Pope John Paul II turns to Mary. Feminine receptivity and relationship find their ultimate expression and fulfillment in her. Mary's fiat welcomed the Holy Spirit into the empty space within and conceived a new kind of fruitfulness, a fruitfulness of the Spirit. Her union with God brought the human body of Christ into the world.

Every woman is called to be overshadowed by the Spirit so as to be abundantly fruitful, to be a Christ-bearer. The transformation of society and culture into a civilization of love and a culture of life begins here: with the empty space within. Whether a woman is 8 or 88, the sacred space within has a purpose - to be filled with the Spirit (and Eucharistic body) of Christ so she can go forth to nurture the emotional, moral, cultural, and spiritual lives of others. Then all human society will be enriched, and peace will flourish as women reveal the mystery of life - to be in human and divine relationship.